We haven’t talked. We haven’t communicated in a real while. I’d have a header if we had!!!

Not a lot she says I don’t remember. Probably bad forum. I enjoy listening!!! Damnit.

She’s troubled . Yes. Of course! Marriage sucks. Things happen! Same. lol

So want to give her a nickname!!! Just her letters! Not gonna. CBD could be Our sexy name for each other, but we haven’t got there!! I have picked out three? You don’t want to know!!

I miss talking to her. Badly. That is not how that works. Before was BG? She would make me feel missed being there every day. Like the first time. She won’t. She enjoys my words more than any one. Made it nice to talk! I am not the focus. Let’s try and keep that in mind!

Marriage is.

She has done more work for the marriage than anyone. I want to be the option. I’m not. I only offer drama. Speed bump. lol sucks.

Wish I had a title? I might finish something! Or

Get to start something!


Not here for this.

Have any idea when you’re going to die? Me either. My Doctor asked Monday if I had a will? Nope.



It was 2 pm so not how I started the day! But damn!!!!


I don’t still.


First funeral I ever went to at 35 was my fathers.

Been to about fifty since. Job related sadly. His was the first! Wasn’t as bad as you might think cause my first time seeing a dead body was dad.


He looked good! Not completely dead. But. Dead. lol

Yes. We were that close. I was twenty-five when I out of the blue called him to say he was right. I don’t remember a thing he said after that! Didn’t matter cause I was a punk.

Manic or Blonde

Never ever attempt this by yourself. Especially if they are right!

The wife said this to me not long ago, You need to find out what is really bothering you! I’m over it! It was a mistake!! God I know that now. I wish I had never even got a Twitter account!!!! I’m so over this!!! I’ve said I was sorry !! It. Was. A. Mistakes. I’m still here……

The reason; I don’t know what else I can do. I know we don’t have sex all the time, like you want! I’m tired whisky! I know you don’t think I do anything all day. But that’s not really it either. I just don’t feel like it! It’s me. I probably should say something to my doctor, but it’s not like I’m checking out some twenty year old and thinking mmmm I want to fuck him!! It’s me! Ok. I know that you want more. I try!

The truth; life takes over whisky! I was in a rut. Felt like I wasn’t going anywhere. I know better. We have a great kid! Right? I know now that we were doing fine. I. Made. A. Mistake. I stayed. Right?

Wife still has a Twitter account. Ask me? I’ll give it to ya. It’s boring as hell anymore.

When I first confronted her about the Twitter crush stuff it was due to a sub-tweet she posted. “I wish you were up. ” followed by, ” no not up! Awake. Awake is what I meant.”

Not sure why that was the thing but it’s what I remember. Saw it that morning. Morning coffee and reading shit online. Read Fark.com! Great site!!!

Her Twitter was on the list to just check out cause it was so foreign to me. Kid was on it. She was on it! Like all the damn time! She was happy so was i. Occasionally I would ask her to put it down. Not often. Fuck it was a kids game back in ’12! lol right?

Turns out IPhone and iPad sync. I was using the iPad cause great way to read a book. Turns out I tripped over the other great thing it does. And that’s why I’m wondering manic or blonde?

Am a Manic, and was I one before?

Can you be triggered into a manic?

I could easily believe now that I may have always been a manic. Older. Pay way more attention than I ever have. Everything. Fly back and forth between over joyed to ready to loose my temper over simple shit.

I wasn’t that way before. Pretty laid back. Not movie star laid back but never worried if she wasn’t as committed to Us as I was.

I’ve cried there times as an adult. They played Taps at my fathers funeral. Put my Dog down. Standing in front of the first apartment she and I shared.

That is the trip. The trigger. In my mind that was the such-the change to what I wanted it crashed the me I don’t see anymore.

Blonde. They spent two hours forty-five minutes on one of the calls I found in the cell records. At the beach no less!! Her favorite place in the world. He tweeted that next morning how beautiful her singing voice is after she tweeted lyrics from Heart of Glass.

I asked her once and she listened, don’t call me nurd again. Not a question from her, or second look. It was her nickname for Dennis. She has never said the word again. Should I ask her to stop telling Alexa to play Blonde? lol

Or just be manic?

I’m gonna tell you the story. *long

Today I stopped myself from saying something I will regret. I know that to my bones.

I knew it the first time I said it, thirty years ago July 30 I was right.

I know it today.

No one wants to grow old. No one wants to do it alone. Some should. I’m a firm believer in karma.

Dancing with no one was the first time I noticed that the light was on her. Yes it was that stupid! Sitting at the bar with my first beer after working I saw my wife. Dancing. By herself. With the brightest light I’ve ever seen.

We knew each other. Hell everyone at the restaurant knew each other! Intimately! lol Late eighties. Shit 1989!

My birthday was a surprise. Really. Had three roommates, two working at the same restaurant. She had already accepted a date from me by then. Saw Never Never at Scandals the first date. Dinner at Hauseanda second date. She got sick. At the restaurant! We blamed it on the crab imperial!

My birthday I made love to her. She was a big part of what happened that night. Next morning kneeling on the side of the bed looking for my sandals I told her I was going to marry her. I meant it. She understood that too. Another reason I was right in saying it!

I did. We did. *science. We got married after living together for seven years, just six months after we bought Our first house. July 18. Courthouse. The 29 that same month she handed me a birthday card that said, Happy Birthday Daddy!

Wait. What?

I’m on a roll. Life has finally got to the apex of the roller coaster! It’s a damn ride from here right?!

Every one’s first memory is of a family. Everything starts there. Family does not mean the same thing to everybody. You don’t ever remember what happened before that. Just starting there.

I think I actually heard a starting gun! Maybe not. I did know after the excitement, change. I did it well. Unexpected by most except one. Maybe two if you count me. She was amazing. Great mom for sure. The kid is a super star damnit!!!!!

I got there by working through/lying to myself about a night she slept with a high school friend.

The guy was a marine. Poor bastard signed the letter he sent her after fucking her in the back of the car. Handed it to her mother cause he didn’t even know where she lived. Four pages on yellow legal paper. He probably should not have actually talked about fucking her! Just saying.

I got him a subscription to MABL. Pretty sure that was the name of it? Man and Boy Love? Delivered directly to his billets.

She never knew I knew about the letter till she came three or four times that night. I won. Obviously.

Sucks I have to win.

My wife’s recent, 2012, choices have made things clear/ interesting. I know I’m right. Again. I keep stopping myself. Damn that’s not hard at all!!!!! Fuck.

I regret not saying I want you. Today. I know every day I will again.

There’s a damn line.

Really?! I actually saw it drawn quietly in the dirt!!! Huge line!!!

Hope I don’t. To my bones. Regret.

You know what’s silly?

I’m too old to know what all the face emojis actually mean. I just spent five minutes grinning at one. A response one. I’m probably gonna go back.


I’m pretty sure it’s knowing that the tiny bit of blushing is real. In public no less!!

Feeling this way again is what’s driving me silly. That. lol. <— that’s cool for Lots of Liquor. Welcome.

Hair. The silliest bain of my life….

I have hair. I have never noticed my hair. That’s your job. Really? Think about it. I see my head once a day. Shaving. I stopped giving a shit about my hair in 9 grade. I’m 54. If you cared bout your hair longer (pun) you aren’t paying attention to who you are talking to. Really?

My brother lost most of his around 30. lol Yea he’s my younger brother. The day I tell him he lost it was when he was in 7 grade and I walked into his bedroom to get something. Laying on his bed, head hanging over the side, brush in one hand, blowdryer in the other. Brushing away like he was in a band.

Fuck. He should loose his hair for that!!

The wife caries so much about her hair that I have been threatened with not leaving the house!

You might think that is a little selfish on my part? She wants to look good for me! Right? After the fourth or fifth time sitting home all dressed up it gets old.

Yesterday she had her hair done. Great place. Pamper her like the big city. lol A couple hours later and $160 less in her pocketbook she has a very beautiful average dark brown hair. New. Usually some shade of blonde. It’s been so many. Lost track back in the nineties.

Getting up this morning I noticed she was still in bed. Not normal. Woke her up.

” I am going to call in sick this morning.” What? “I called January before I came to bed and she is going to fix my hair tomorrow. ”


It, the hair, needs to be lighter. The $160 hair needs a day off to get right?

The appointment is at 4 pm. I don’t know much but I know she could get off work an hour early and still have 30 minutes to kill before a 4 o’clock appointment.

At 54 almost 55 I could give a shit as long as it isn’t in the way of any damn thing we have to do. She looks great. I said that. Have never not. Hard to learn new tricks at my age but the next time I just might add to the fucking stupid, and agree with her.

I will post That outcome! lol

Happy I’ll never have a hump day again!!