Today I stopped myself from saying something I will regret. I know that to my bones.
I knew it the first time I said it, thirty years ago July 30 I was right.
I know it today.
No one wants to grow old. No one wants to do it alone. Some should. I’m a firm believer in karma.
Dancing with no one was the first time I noticed that the light was on her. Yes it was that stupid! Sitting at the bar with my first beer after working I saw my wife. Dancing. By herself. With the brightest light I’ve ever seen.
We knew each other. Hell everyone at the restaurant knew each other! Intimately! lol Late eighties. Shit 1989!
My birthday was a surprise. Really. Had three roommates, two working at the same restaurant. She had already accepted a date from me by then. Saw Never Never at Scandals the first date. Dinner at Hauseanda second date. She got sick. At the restaurant! We blamed it on the crab imperial!
My birthday I made love to her. She was a big part of what happened that night. Next morning kneeling on the side of the bed looking for my sandals I told her I was going to marry her. I meant it. She understood that too. Another reason I was right in saying it!
I did. We did. *science. We got married after living together for seven years, just six months after we bought Our first house. July 18. Courthouse. The 29 that same month she handed me a birthday card that said, Happy Birthday Daddy!
I’m on a roll. Life has finally got to the apex of the roller coaster! It’s a damn ride from here right?!
Every one’s first memory is of a family. Everything starts there. Family does not mean the same thing to everybody. You don’t ever remember what happened before that. Just starting there.
I think I actually heard a starting gun! Maybe not. I did know after the excitement, change. I did it well. Unexpected by most except one. Maybe two if you count me. She was amazing. Great mom for sure. The kid is a super star damnit!!!!!
I got there by working through/lying to myself about a night she slept with a high school friend.
The guy was a marine. Poor bastard signed the letter he sent her after fucking her in the back of the car. Handed it to her mother cause he didn’t even know where she lived. Four pages on yellow legal paper. He probably should not have actually talked about fucking her! Just saying.
I got him a subscription to MABL. Pretty sure that was the name of it? Man and Boy Love? Delivered directly to his billets.
She never knew I knew about the letter till she came three or four times that night. I won. Obviously.
Sucks I have to win.
My wife’s recent, 2012, choices have made things clear/ interesting. I know I’m right. Again. I keep stopping myself. Damn that’s not hard at all!!!!! Fuck.
I regret not saying I want you. Today. I know every day I will again.
There’s a damn line.
Really?! I actually saw it drawn quietly in the dirt!!! Huge line!!!
Hope I don’t. To my bones. Regret.